Month: April, 2015

Cockeyed Optimist

I am an interminable optimist. I always think things will turn out okay. It seems silly to say that, at 55 years old, I am naïve; but in some ways I am.

I guess I’m just lucky; although, no, I’m not. My husband died and I can never consider myself lucky after that.

Mostly things do turn out okay for me. Except when they don’t. Then I let myself be pissed for a day and I try to move on.

I want to go on being optimistic. Even to a fault. It’s one of the things I like about myself.


My Tribe

I was part of a tribe. I flowed along with the group, often spending time trying to get myself acknowledged by the elders. My voice grew loud as I shouted to be noticed. My behavior became outrageous as I tried to make a mark, separate myself from the rest.

Today it’s just me. I had my own little tribe for a while, but I’m alone now. I speak quietly knowing that people will probably listen. I try to modulate my behavior, but sometimes I like to shock; it’s fun. I’m okay on my own. I don’t need a tribe anymore.

Adult Kids

Being the parent of adults can be a mind blowing experience. Take Miriam: we were discussing haircuts and she said, “Oh, you get your hair cut every six weeks? Wow!” I thought, how could you not know that? I’ve been doing that religiously your whole life. But, since we haven’t lived together for years now, I guess it’s not part of her everyday life. Why would she know?

In another conversation I expected some judgment. What I got instead was an adult observation. “Your life is your life. It’s different than mine and that’s okay.” Wow! I do good work!